Covenant Marriage (Wk 4)

When two people get married, they sign a contract that binds them together in society and makes them into an official family unit. Many people recite the phrases of “in sickness and in health, for better or for worse, for richer or poorer, till death do us part.” Elder David A Bednar, however, said this, “Faithfulness and fidelity in marriage must not simply be attractive words spoken in sermons; rather, they should be principles evident in our own covenant marriage relationships.” 

What is the difference between a contractual marriage and a covenant marriage? Elder Bruce C Hafen described it this way, “Contract companions each give 50%; covenant companions each give 100%.” I think there are many people in the world who would agree that marriage takes two people each giving 100%. In our church though, we understand covenant marriage to be a marriage that is not “till death do us part” but instead “for time and all eternity.” In the temple, we are able to be sealed eternally to our families, forever cementing that relationship that is not just between two spouses, but also with God. 

President Benson said, “God intends the family to be eternal.” In his address he also discussed how temple marriage is vitally important. If we are to receive all the blessings that God has in store for us, a temple marriage is the only way to get there. It is the pinnacle of all we do in this church. We want to be sealed together as families. “Go to the temple…to receive the blessings of your fathers that you may be entitled to the highest blessings of the priesthood.” 

With this higher understanding of marriage, I think it is easier for me to be more committed to my marriage. It is not just a union to make me happy in this life for a time, it’s meant to last forever. When I have that eternal perspective, I work harder to make our marriage work. I also have to say that being in the temple always is a blessing to our marriage and helps us to refocus our efforts. 

Elder Bruce C Hafen talked about three “wolves” that are attacking marriage. The first was natural adversity, such as death, illness, etc. The second was personal imperfections and weaknesses, and the third was excessive individualism. I feel like this third one is the biggest threat to marriages today. Our society is so self-driven, so self-centered. Everyone is looking out for number One, and that just can’t be how a marriage works. While it is important to have a sense of individualism, we need to have a healthy interdependence in our marriage relationships. When we are able to lean on and support each other, marriages can be strengthened and storms are easier to withstand.  I liked what Elder Hafen said about how we should act in our marriages. “When the wolf comes, may we be as shepherds, not hirelings, willing to lay down our lives, a day at a time, for the sheep of our covenant.” To me this means that we treat our marriage relationships like sheep and we are shepherds. We cultivate it, we love it, we take care of it. We are willing to sacrifice our personal desires for the success of our marriage. 

This week in class, we created a genogram, which is basically a pedigree chart, but focused on relationships. We tracked marriages, divorces, abuse, and other issues for the last 3 generations (starting with ourselves). I was shocked to see the patterns of abuse and divorce in my family. There are very few relationships that have not dealt with one, if not both of these issues. However, there were also some inspiring individuals who fought for their marriages and relationships and were able to change the negative patterns and come out ahead. I hope I can do the same in my marriage. I loved what my aunt told me when I was interviewing her for the genogram. “Getting married is easy…Staying married is hard. It takes work; being understanding, being willing to forgive/forget (so long as there is no harm to either); being willing to share your space, your money, your body, your everything with someone else; being willing to walk through hard financial or emotional times together, talking to each other, being present for each other through sickness and health, finding things to do together, and learning to enjoy the other person’s likes. It’s learning how to fall in love with each other a little more each day.”